i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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