I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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