I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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