We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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