I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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