i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
