coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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