One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
