i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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