i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we made out on top of his cat.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
