Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
