I was born with a shot glass in my hand
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
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