You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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