goodnight i made you a song goodbye
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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