He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
