Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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