After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
