it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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