the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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