i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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