i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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