This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
