with your own penis?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
