My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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