what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
