Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
