It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
