i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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