i just google imaged poop.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
