i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
