Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
