Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
