i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
