Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
is that a dick in a sweater?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
