things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
