Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
