He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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