Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
