I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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