I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
