We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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