Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
