Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
