plz talk dirty to me
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
