hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
