did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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