2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
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