I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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