Non-Jews are for practice
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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