you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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