I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
