Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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