Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
